Twisted and Intertwined

Friday, June 20, 2014

"We the People"

            “We the people” as a whole are so screwed!  We have people brandishing weapons and creating havoc on innocent families and the general public in random cities across the nation. A week doesn’t go by that we don’t’ hear something about it on national, state, or local news.
            We have a government trying to pass laws to help protect its citizens. We have a president that has brought on monumental changes and yet we have more work ahead of us. We have people in our communities that feel that our government works against us and are for corporations and profit instead of for “we the people”.
            Unless we can all come together as a community and share the blame and responsibility of what is occurring, all the finger pointing is going to accomplish is to divide and conquer us. Until our government believes and accepts transparency at every level and proves they work for the people, the government will not have the full support it needs for our country to tackle the problems in our own backyard let alone abroad.  When a majority of US citizens can feel as if our representatives do what their name states, we won’t move forward with gun control.
            In my personal opinion the only people that need weapons are hunters, and those paid to protect us. Before anyone goes all Gun-ho over “it’s my constitutional right to keep and bear arms, let me ask, why? Why is it that more criminals have them? Do you not live in a first world nation where, yes freedom is an illusion but you still have the right to express yourself and purchase what you want and need with little recourse from our government as long as it’s legal. Yes, you have the right to protect yourself and your property from criminals, but don’t you think a bat across someone’s head would be easier to live with than killing your own kid trying to sneak into his/her room in the middle of the night or worse having that criminal use that weapon against you and your family.
Today’s criminals know the legalities of crimes they commit. Criminals know it’s an additional charge if they possess a weapon during the act of a crime. Yes, you have criminals either to stupid to know this or just plain evil enough to not care. When and where are we going to draw the line. When can our children feel safe walking down a street without someone eager to “open fire” on them because of the clothes they wear, their partner, race or just because that person had a bad day?

I don’t have an answer or an easy solution to the problems that we face in our country, but I do believe we haven’t found a good resolution by incarcerating those criminals. Our society becomes more and more violent with each passing day. I cringe at the thought of having to raise children in this society. I can’t be everywhere and so we need to be able to depend upon our community for social support to reinforce positive behavior and to guide not reprimand, belittle or shun our children. The monsters we fear today were our little angels yesterday.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Election Year–Who are you voting for?

Wow! I didn’t realize it has been over a year that I’ve posted anything on here. Today’s topic as you’ve read above has to do with upcoming election. The following are my random thoughts on team Romney and tomorrow I will attempt to do the same for team Obama. “Fair is fair” - Billie Jean.

Ok so let me get this straight we as human beings consider ourselves fairly intelligent correct? So why are so many of my female friends supporting the Romney & Ryan candidate’s?  Is it because you don’t know how to regulate your own vagina’s, and need a man to dictate what you can and cannot do in terms of having an abortion. I’m definitely pro-life for myself and pro-choice for everyone else. I would never support or be a part to someone choosing to abort. I don’t feel that my decision should be the only one, and I think that women should have a say in their lives and the decision that affect’s their body.

Here’s another thing I just don’t understand. Why are so many people complaining about privacy and how there’s a lack of it these days especially since 9/11 and the enacting of the Patriot Act. The government is able to oversee, phone tap, and sequester people they “believe” are homeland security risks for an undetermined amount of time all in the name of security. That means no speedy trial or jury of your peers even if you are an American. You can sit in a prison for years until you are no longer considered a threat. Ryan is for permanently keeping the Patriot act. Say good bye to privacy if elected.

Everyone that knows me and my partner can tell we would make excellent parents. We both are kind, sensitive, nurturing, educated, and we both helped our own families raise our siblings and their children. Ryan would make it illegal for us as a couple to ever adopt, and even if we had a child through surrogacy the fact that only one of us could be deemed the father would create such a horrible mess. For instance if something catastrophic were to occur to the child and the “legal” father was unavailable the other would not be able to make any life changing decisions with respects to “our” child, and what about the death of a partner. The other can be denied visitation and the right to execute the partner’s last wishes because we are not and cannot get married in the eyes of the law. Plus doesn’t anyone remember the separation of church and state in the first amendment. Granted, Ryan does support that we as queers cannot be discriminated against at work, but that is only because we generate enough taxes to warrant us continued work. Plus whoever can say Matthew Sheppard was not a victim of a hate crime should have to know the pain that the poor family has suffered. Ryan doesn’t believe hate crime for homos is relevant and voted against enforcing those laws.

Education seems to be on a lot of people’s minds lately and Ryan would make it that much more difficult for minorities (African-Americans and Latinos) to receive grants because he voted no on 84 Million. He also voted yes to allow prayer in school. I love me some Jesus and believe nothing is done without him but for my brothers and sisters of various religious denominations how do you feel about this? Oh wait if Ryan and Romney win you don’t have a say and your children will be subjected to whatever denomination the teacher is or isn’t.

For my nature loving friends, Ryan has voted for de-authorizing "critical habitat" for endangered species and is for speeding up approval of forest thinning projects. Well so much for our country preservation efforts if this pair gets elected.

I think I agree with Ryan on his stand on Amber alert nationwide. I do feel that our children should be a priority and that quick response on a nationwide system can prove invaluable.

Ok so who of you are up in arms over the senseless shootings all across our country? These people are clearly disturbed for whatever reasons and had the ability to purchase a weapon. Ryan would make it easier for them to do so because he voted to decrease the wait time from 3 days to 1. In a system that is already flawed can you imagine how many more maniacs will be armed tomorrow?

Now for my friends that voted for the moron that preceded Obama. You gave this man 8 years to totally screw up our country, our finances, and our international affairs but you expect Obama to fix it all in 4?

So in the end either way you choose to vote your decision today impacts our lives tomorrow. We are all just trying to move forward to build lives and families with those we love. No one’s better and no one wants special treatment just equality under the law.

Many people die and it continues to occur in many countries all in the name of God. Does your god say to love your neighbor or to love your neighbor unless they’re different? Deep down we know right from wrong at least many of you with a moral compass do.  I hope that it leads you to the right decision. In the land where we are supposed to stand “united” please don’t keep us separate any longer. Whichever candidate you feel best represents you and your life now may change when it affects the one you love and his/her happiness.

I finish with this last bit of wisdom “Better the devil you know, than the one you don’t.”

Monday, May 2, 2011


Today I witnessed a friend being belittled or rather given a hard time about a post that she placed on her social media. Now I understand that anything you post is fair game from the general public but from your friends? Her supposed friends were giving her hell over poking fun of our ex president George Bush. He was worthless and he got us into a war that is still being faught over what...Oil? She was ridiculed and in text it appeared that the men and women were angered that she would be on the presidents side. The original post was her opinion of how Obama has already done more in his one term as president than Bush had in his two terms by the announcement that Bin Laden had been killed by US Forces.

I understand that people can get upset over someone not being respectful and proud to be an American. I can see where politics can cause strife in families particularly if the views are so radical as they have been with Republicans and Democrats lately. I really have to wonder how someone can jeopardize or belittle a friends opinion over something so trivial as a comment that was stated.The angered individual offended by my friends post either is perfect and follows her bible to the T or is one giant hypocrite. Seriously if her faith/belief or what have you in what she thought was to be right for her was jeopardized by such a posting then she doesn't have the brain function needed to chew and walk at the same time.

This whole business about people celebrating over this supposedly horrid person that was killed by US forces leads me to believe that we are falling onto barbaric times. I get that media and even our president has pegged him as the person to be held accountable for Americas darkest hour on 9/11 but do we know for certain that this individual was responsible? We are going completely on what the govt. or media are feeding us. What about the actual people that he trained or paid? The other thing that is bothering me is why after 10 years? Why was the body quickly disposed of and why were we not told about it the day of it occurring? Was it perhaps because the government needed to secure the location, destroy documentation or detain witness's that could say the truth or saw the truth?

If this individual did all that he is accused of doing then he may very well have gotten what he deserved. I'm not his judge nor jury and only god can pass his sentence. I am however saddend at humanity rejoicing in our fellow mans demise and seeing nothing wrong that another life has been taken. I understand an eye for an eye but its been 10 years. I understand people wanting justice but will we all be sleeping better knowing that this ONE person is dead? He may have funded and organized many people in his organization to carry out horrible crimes against humanity but if he employed those people are  those same people still not out there and waiting for the next one to lead them or fund their latest atroscities.

So for the time being I'll hold my breath and lay silently knowing that i'm going to believe that this man was as evil as they say he was and that what he reaped he sowed in the end. I will not rejoice for my higher power still has his mighty cosmic karmah swatting paddle and i'm definatley not ready to get smacked by that.

Now for the rest of the anti-american comments I wish to address here will be concerning the Obama administration and how republicans are quick to point out that HE is YOUR president as if they all of a sudden live on another freaking country. Please. My personal opinion is just like everyone elses it stinks according to some but I think its perfect for me. The only difference is that I wouldn't condemn you for yours or say that your lesser than me because you choose to be republican. I wouldn't call you an idiot because you chose a president that should of been working at a Mcdonalds instead of leading our country straight into a war that would have no end.  I will however call you my fellow man who is entitled to your belief and as a democratic country you have every right to vote for whom ever you choose. Now if you don't vote that's a different story...your stuck with who ever and you dont have the  luxury nor the priveledge to complain about it.

Now my partner and I on the other hand have every right since we were both born on this continent as American citizens and choose to stay here and since it is a democratic govt. pay our taxes and make educated guesses as to who we want to lead us. However sometimes we make mistakes but for the most part its the rest of the country that screws up our plans. See we choose govt. officials that believe in humanity that think that all people are equal no matter their sexual preference or what not.
My partner and I, and every gay person that has a job and pays taxes should be the most upset minority in america. We pay the most taxes yet our government represents us the least at any level.

We can't marry and or have children. We can't file joint taxes or share benefits as hetero couples. So why should my money go to a state where the government officials wish to keep me in the closet.  Why should we not be allowed to adopt children because most of us were raised by straight people or at least had straight people around us. So we know how to model that behavior if thats what your society and social norms want kids to be...but why are you so worried about children that could or won't be abused in gay families since straight families are such a perfect model. Is it not these same straight people that are discarding their children at an alarming rate. Is it not these same people neglecting or abusing their kids to a point that they are taken away by governemnt officials and placed into the foster care system that is already in a terrible state. Lets keep these poor kids bouncing around instead of giving them to someone that can offer them a better life.

My partner and I could of chosen to move to a country that can and is more accepting of our lives as gay men as a gay family.Where we could petition to adopt or foster children.We are chosing thus far to remain in a country that we believe in and hoping that people will do whats right for humanity not just for gay families and elect government officials that will reflect ideals and morals worthy of a legacy to leave behind to and for the children.

I know I am all over the place and I promise to get back on here and make an attempt to edit this later to make sense of it all. I was just wanting to spill out all over the page.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


It's been a while since I've posted and to update this I'll post why. As some of you have already pieced together by the last entry I made that I've met someone. Someone very special and has become my life partner. I've moved from the desert of New Mexico to the great state of Georgia.

This move was expected and only natural to be next to the man that I love and going to spend the rest of my life with. I sometimes miss the dry desert air. My friends and family back in N.M. my friends and snow in Ruidoso, but Atlanta isn't so bad. So I keep telling myself to find something positive in this place other than the love of my life. All around me is such great wondrous beauty. Tree's taller than our 3 story home that could possibly go on 3 times as high. Flower,vines, animals and shrubs oh and did I mention bugs....Lots of them so many that I couldn't possibly mention them, but I know we didn't have them back in N.M. and the spiders...OMG...All I can say is thank god for poisonous chemicals that kill before they invade our home. I'm all for natural, pesticides etc. but I want none of whats out there inside my home.

The people that I've been exposed to are mostly my partners colleagues from work, and they are such an inviting group, and have made me feel very welcomed. I've joined a writers group comprised mostly of professors at the college I'm attending and am exploring the creative side of writing. I hope that I'm learning, but most of all I'm enjoying everything I'm doing as long as I do it with him.

Oh I jumped ahead of myself in the previous paragraph. I neglected to mention that I have started college with some major support of those that love me. I've joined a group named (PALASA) The Performing and Literature Arts Students Association and I am the president. I've started an online newsletter for our school and getting that going is pretty time consuming.

We have adopted a new daughter/dog. She's a Cockerspaniel that when I first saw her fell madly in love with and she is proving to be the one source of all that moves me emotionally. She is a handful to say the least but she's a gorgeous puppy still that brings much happiness to me. I look forward to seeing how she develops into an adult dog. She definitely has her own personality none of which I've seen the likes of. They say that dogs are a mans best friend. I think that this may be true because it doesn't matter if your tired, grumpy, happy or just blah all they want from you is love and in return they do their best to return it to you.

I would say that this is a new chapter in my life, but there were several before this so I'll say that this is a new Volume and I look forward to sharing, caring, and loving where I am and who I'm becoming. I'm learning to love myself a little each day. I thought I did before moving to G.A. but looking back I really didn't. I abused my body, and my mind. I stopped moving forward in my life. I stopped learning about the world and the people around me. I equate my existence as waiting to die before I arrived where I am today. It's sad, harsh and I'm sure offensive to the people that were around me, but I merely took up space. I offered nothing toward our humanity and leaving my mark on this earth wasn't occurring quite like I foreseen.

It's getting better for me and in closing i've missed you(me). I think there's room for the many sides of me that isn't afraid of who he is or what he's becoming but welcomes it and thanks the one man that has single handedly given me hope, the reason to feel, and most of all belief that anything we set our minds to achieve - we can do.

Friday, July 2, 2010

The One

What to say, who to say it to, who will listen? If I yell it from the roof top will that deem me insane? If in casual conversation I utter a sentence will they roll their eyes or remind me of my place. A place I lay silently doing as I’m told in the dark always wondering what lay ahead wishing and hoping but never knowing. Visitors pass me by unnoticed on occasion a quick glance but nothing more. I sit in silence observing and hoping. Food I seek I cannot find in the dark I wander around. Morsels dropped and kicked around show me laughter but mostly pain. The doors never open the visitors just appear bearing gifts to me in bright big boxes for a feast. I treasure the thought and seek my oldest companion the shadow in my corner of my world. Unwrapping what’s to be the grandest of all meals finding disappointment, and sadness as I see the emptiness I hold within, as the visitor walks away. A visitor came by the other day. I think he’s moving in, he holds me when I’m trembling and alone. He whispers to me come to eat and slowly I crawl forward. He’s holding my hand now and asking if I’d eat. In the dark you cannot see but moving forward the sunlight beams. I see his face and think I see who I believe to be a reflection of he that will be. HE sits me down at his dinner table I look around and see familiar faces the same as HE they smile. I taste a little of this and a little of that and before I know it I’m wanting more. HE extends his arm and walks around opening doors and windows the sun shines in removing my oldest companion I see the visitor standing where I should be he opens his arms and says “I am He” The doors will never close the sun will always shine, so say so long and come and sit. The feast is bountiful as far as the mind can see truly a feast fit for kings. Hope, peace, desire, love, and faith, courage, strength and will he offers so I gladly accept and to him I exclaim “you are He who set me free”.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Fathers Day

This coming weekend is a holiday for millions of men that have had the opportunity and the blessing of creating life or helping in raising a child not technically part of the child’s genealogy. They all will gather with their children and celebrate the man that made them who they are and who they are becoming. For many like myself have never celebrated this with my own biological father for he’s what most would consider a donor not necessarily a father. Not to say that I’ve never celebrated it because I have brothers that their wives get together and create what they hope is a nice day for them. Most of my family are like me and enjoy the company of family and cooking out and spending the day by and in the pool enjoying the children and watching them play. Very few of my siblings will partake in alcoholic beverages due to the inability of holding their liquor so the days of someone ruining the holidays due to liquor are slim not to say that there aren’t other obstacles that arise during the holidays.

My earliest memory of my dad was around 7 when I remember being completely in awe of Mickey Mouse and wanting a watch with this character. While visiting my grandmother my biological fathers’ mother she would call him letting him know that I was there that weekend and that he should come to see me. I recall out of every visit that I made every stay over that I made staying somewhere I was not comfortable in hopes of seeing my dad only occurred twice. These two visits were brief and I don’t recall him getting out of his vehicle. The conversations were simple what do you want for your birthday and for Christmas I believe and it really didn’t matter because he never got me anything on any of those occasions. I do recall an uncle Cruz from California that one year during his visit he made every effort to incorporate my dad and it was my birthday during his visit and I recall it being like Christmas he brought me so many gifts and I was so excited. I can recall it giving him some pleasure as he told me that they were from my dad as I opened them. I knew better but I didn’t mention the fact that he never bought me anything, not that it would have mattered particularly if I could have spent time with him would of be the best scenario.

Another memory and the last memory that I have of my dad was so negative that I’ve chosen not to make contact with him or acknowledge him as my father. The memory is of his 3rd-5th marriage to a woman named Terri I believe. I was invited to his wedding celebration but not the wedding by a cousin that said my dad wanted to see me. I thought it weird but I was overwhelmed with happiness that he’s making the effort that I said yes to her as I waited for her to come pick me up I was 18. When I arrived at his house it was a nice modest home more than I could ever have hoped for because my family was poor and couldn’t afford what he had. I entered with my cousin Rose and there were only a few cousins of mine there and Terri and Rays girlfriend along w/ my dad and myself. They offered me beer and then by the time I knew it my dad was bringing over speed balls and marijuana for me to smoke etc. which I wasn’t thinking I took. Within a 2 hour period I had more liquor and drugs which I had NEVER taken running through my system that I got sickly ill. I had an overwhelming feeling of nausea and the only one I felt comfortable with was Rose so she helped me to the bathtub and helped me undress and get into a cold bath. Not once did my dad come by and check on my well being. I remember my cousin Rose telling me “your dad said you shouldn’t be embarrassed because it happens to everybody”. Later that evening I went home and unable to sleep because of the speedballs I took, sleep avoided me for 2 days to follow.

My definition of father is as above the PERSON that guided your future, raised and disciplined you, taught you values, and the meaning of respect. All these I picked up in bits and parts from family and from my mother who turned out to be the best mother/father figure ever. It wasn’t perfect it wasn’t pretty, but she was always and continues to be there. Because of her I wouldn’t be here and because of her I still love humanity. She shows courage at times when most men would tremble and cave into the pressure. She’s resourceful finding a means to accomplish what was needed in every situation. So on this fathers day I’ll be thinking of Her…with her somewhere around and perhaps popping by with her partner I’ll smile knowing that this fathers day is extra special because this year I’m nearing my mid life years and contemplating where I’ve been and where I’m going and who I should thank for it all….Thank you Mother on Fathers Day.
This is for all the mothers that had to be both Mother & Father to their children for whatever reason. Teach your children love…Love for you, Love for themselves, and Love for others. Teach them forgiveness because that is what sets us free….my dad has been forgiven.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Happiness & Sorrow

While speaking with a friend the other day I was asked to state specifically what makes me the saddest and that which makes me the happiest. I instantly began to remember memories as a child that made me the saddest and the rare moments that I had that were happy. I contemplated on sharing those but I was asked to state these at present time. I was trying to think when I am the happiest and it suddenly came to me after a full day of soul searching and there it was. I believe I’m the happiest when I see my loved one’s happy, being around them and being able to enjoy their happiness. Making people that I care for feel special. When those around me are happy I’m happy. In turn I have to say that the exact opposite is also true. When someone that I care for is ill, depressed, or struggling with something personal I do feel bad for them especially if there isn’t anything that I can do to alleviate the situation. Devastating news and or tragedies deeply affect me when it affects my loved ones. They don’t always think it does because I truly have learned to hide my emotions especially those thought of as a weakness. I personally don’t feel they are a weakness, but I would rather show self control rather than emotion. Now I’m human and sometimes that self control falters and I have an outburst of anger, disdain or dissatisfaction. I also try to show a positive side as well such as a smile, words of encouragement or just my mere presence to show that I will always be around if they need me. I wish I could be everywhere and everything everyone needs but then I’d be perfect. Seeing people help a total stranger or something as small and minute as a smile when we’ve had a bad day. The friend that makes me contemplate these things believes that I’m a dreamer believing in a utopia and perhaps I do but I have hope, and faith that we as people and as humans have the choice and options to become better individuals to grow and make our own lives happier even if we can’t change all the situations in our lives we most definitely change how we will react to them or respond. I would hope we have more sense, knowledge, and understanding of the world around us that we would want all these things for our fellow man. It is what separates us from the animal kingdom after all.